


First times

by AliciaSinCiudad



Series: Rebuilding [5]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: First Times, M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 10:15:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11289192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AliciaSinCiudad/pseuds/AliciaSinCiudad
Summary: Response to a tumblr prompt: First Times.





	First times

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a response to the tumblr prompt "First Times" from the Bassian Week challenge. Technically, this was the prompt for Monday, but at least I got it posted by the end of the week, right? (Also, this is the first I've heard of it called Bassian, I'm used to role-related ship names for Star Wars, like SniperPilot and RogueJedi and such.)
> 
> References to other stories I've posted (and one I haven't finished yet), but you can read it on its own just fine.
> 
> Content Warning: Reference to suicidal thoughts, and unrelatedly, reference to old-age-related death.

The first time Cassian told Bodhi that he loved him, Bodhi smiled wide, his eyes lighting up, his cheeks turning just a little bit pink. He opened his mouth, perhaps to return the sentiment, perhaps to say Cassian’s name, perhaps as the beginning of a kiss – but the voice that spoke wasn’t Bodhi’s. It was the pre-recorded voice announcing the beginning of the morning shift in twelve different languages, and it woke Cassian up.

The first time Bodhi told Cassian that he loved him, they were standing in the rain, and Cassian had been convinced that Bodhi couldn’t stand him, had been about to walk out of Bodhi’s life forever, when Bodhi shouted “I kriffing love you!” and Cassian had been back at his side before Bodhi had finished the sentence.

The first time Cassian kissed Bodhi, it was the end of a long day, and Cassian had walked Bodhi back to his quarters, and Bodhi had invited him inside, and they ended up talking for almost an hour. Bodhi was exhausted, and Cassian felt guilty keeping him up, but something selfish in him wouldn’t let him leave, even as Bodhi’s eyelids were drooping and his words came more and more slowly. When Bodhi finally succumbed to sleep, Cassian drew the covers up over him, and kissed him lightly on the forehead. He was tempted by those soft pink lips, but that would have to wait for another day, when Bodhi was awake and could kiss Cassian back.

The first time Bodhi kissed Cassian, Cassian had just come back from a mission in the Great Desert of Dathomir. He was exhausted, disheveled, hadn’t showered in three days and almost certainly smelled like it. He hadn’t had anything to drink in over 30 hours, and he saw a tantalizingly full canteen hanging from Bodhi’s belt. But he gave in to the kiss until Bodhi pulled away, and only then did he ask for a sip. He ended up gulping down half the canteen before he’d realized it, blushing guiltily as he handed it back to Bodhi, considerably lighter than he’d received it. Bodhi just grinned and made a snarky comment about giving the word “thirsty” a whole new meaning.

The first time Cassian cooked for Bodhi, they were scouting out potential allies in Cloud City. Cassian had found some familiar spices in the market, and ended up trying to recreate some food from his childhood. It was so long since he’d been to Fest, he had no idea if it tasted at all the same or not, but he was pleased with the result regardless, especially when Bodhi ended up eating seconds, and then begging Cassian to cook again in the morning.

The first time Bodhi cooked for Cassian, it was inedible, but Cassian tried to eat it anyway. He tried not to let it hurt his ego when, over the next few months, Bodhi learned to cook so well that his culinary skills surpassed Cassian’s.

The first time Bodhi gave Cassian a present, Bodhi had just come back from the Kessel Run and they hadn’t seen each other in two standard weeks. Cassian came back to his quarters to find Bodhi sitting on his bed, an innocent smile playing at his lips. He had obviously re-made the bed – the hospital corners were not as neat as they’d been when Cassian had left that morning – but Cassian assumed Bodhi had just taken a nap and then tried to tidy up after himself. That evening, Cassian drew back the covers to find the softest and warmest pajamas he’d ever seen. He was touched that Bodhi had brought him something so beautiful and so useful at the same time. As he slipped them on, he discovered a second present – in one of the pockets was a small wrapped sweet, rich and spicy and quick to melt in his mouth. He could have sworn that he’d eaten sweets like this as a child on Fest. He fell asleep with the taste of it warm on his tongue.

The first time Cassian gave Bodhi a present, he knew he was about to embark on a long mission, and he wanted to give Bodhi something to remember him by. He had found an old Jedhan-style bowl in an intergalactic market on Corellia, and had paid a fortune for it, but it had been worth it. The bowl was a deep blue clay with red and gold accents, but its true worth was that it had broken, and been mended with melted kyber crystal. Later that day, Cassian caught Bodhi running his fingers down the veins of crystal, a distant look in his eyes.

The first time Cassian and Bodhi fought, Cassian was returning from a particularly grueling mission. He was injured, but hiding it, not wanting anyone to worry. He’d been gone for so long, and was so distracted by his injuries, that he’d forgotten that he had left Bodhi without saying goodbye, that he had in fact snuck out of Bodhi’s quarters in the middle of the night. He sat down on an empty cargo crate, arranging himself so that his sore arm was resting on his good leg. He was trying to figure out how he could kiss Bodhi without making either of his injuries known, and so he was taken by surprise when Bodhi’s first reaction to seeing him was to shout an obscenity and then burst into tears. He listened silently while Bodhi chewed him out for walking out in the middle of the night, not even telling Bodhi he was going on a mission, then nothing but silence for weeks, not even a sign that he was still alive. He listened to Bodhi tell him how miserable he had been all that time, how little he must mean to Cassian if Cassian couldn’t even tell him he was leaving, he wasn’t asking _where_ or _why_ , but at least a goodbye kiss would have been nice. Cassian didn’t tell him that he _had_ kissed Bodhi goodbye, he just hadn’t woken him up for it – he didn’t think it would help his case. He listened to Bodhi tell him that he was cold, and selfish, and by the light of the stars couldn’t he at least _say something?_ And so Cassian did say something. He told Bodhi that he was a spy, that this was his job, and he couldn’t just decide when and where he was going to care about the Rebellion. Or maybe he’d phrased it a little differently – maybe he’d said _Not everyone_ could just decide when and where they were going to care about the Rebellion. Anger had glowed in Bodhi’s eyes like fire as Bodhi stalked off without another word. When Cassian was sure he was gone, he’d limped off to the med-center. A few hours later, he made it back to Bodhi’s quarters while Bodhi was out in the hangar, probably fixing up the star cruiser Cassian had brought back slightly worse for the wear. He hid his crutches under the bed, so Bodhi didn’t discover Cassian’s injuries until the morning.

The first time Cassian heard Jedhan from someone other than Bodhi, Baze, or Chirrut, was in an instructive holo. He missed Bodhi like crazy, but he knew that Bodhi was happier without him. He told himself he was learning Jedhan because it was always useful for a spy to speak more languages. He didn’t bother to come up with a better excuse, since he knew he wouldn’t convince himself anyway.

The first time Cassian heard Bodhi’s voice after the war, he was camping out in Duunir. At first, he couldn’t believe it. He had kept track of Bodhi all these years, but from a distance, just to make sure he was still alive. He’d never expected to hear that voice again. He’d certainly never expected Bodhi to give him another chance. But the war was over now, and Cassian would never have to leave Bodhi again.

The first time Cassian and Bodhi fought after the war, Cassian was trying to convince Bodhi that there was no place for him in a post-war galaxy. It had been less than a month, and already Cassian had forgotten his promise never to leave again.

The first time Cassian woke up without regretting that he was still alive, they had been living in New Jedha City for less than a week. He couldn’t explain what it was exactly, but something had given him a new lease on life. He suspected that working on building the New Temple had something to do with it, but he knew there was more to it than that. He heard Bodhi’s gentle and steady breathing beside him, and he became aware that he was actually glad to be alive. He had forgotten what that felt like. It was nice.

The first time Bodhi told Cassian about the person he’d dated after – before – _between_ Cassian, Bodhi had been obviously nervous. But Cassian was glad to know that Bodhi hadn’t been alone – Bodhi wasn’t the one who had been an unfit boyfriend, after all. Cassian was curious about Ekundayo, and hoped he could live up to the memory of Bodhi’s old partner. Part of him wondered if Bodhi would have come back to him if Ekundayo had survived the war. But he was learning to live in the moment, to take the bad with the good, and to take the good with the bad.

The first time Bodhi asked Cassian to marry him, Cassian refused outright. He still couldn’t get used to the idea that Bodhi actually loved him, that he had forgiven him all that he had done the first time around. He wondered if this would be a turning point, if Bodhi would leave him in frustration. He wondered if that would be better for both of them. Or at least, better for Bodhi. But Bodhi had taken it in stride, and hadn’t bothered Cassian about it afterward. It was months before he even brought it up again, and then only to ask Cassian’s reasoning, not to pressure him to reconsider. In fact, Bodhi never asked him again – because the next time, it was Cassian who asked.

The first time Bodhi went to Fest was on their honeymoon. Bodhi had declared that, if they were going to settle on his home moon, then they should at least visit Cassian’s home planet. Nothing was familiar to Cassian, although he couldn’t say whether it was because it had changed so much, or if he’d simply forgotten everything over the past thirty-odd years. He had been only twelve when he’d run off to Kestos Minor, posing as sixteen, to officially join the Rebel Alliance Army. Bodhi bought armloads of books and holos, wanting to take a little bit of Fest back with them when they returned to Jedha. Cassian noticed that even in those few short weeks, Bodhi’s pronunciation of festán improved immensely.

The first time Cassian heard Bodhi sing, he was walking into the kitchen, and found Bodhi smiling distractedly to himself as he added spices to their dinner-in-progress. It was not a language he had heard before – he and Bodhi always spoke together in festán or Jedhan when they weren’t speaking Galactic Standard. It turned out to be the first time Cassian heard Bodhi’s true native language. Bodhi was the last native speaker alive.

The first time Bodhi heard Cassian sing, Bodhi was having a nightmare, and his shouts had woken Cassian. Cassian sang a song he half-remembered from his childhood, and when he couldn’t remember a word in festán, he substituted Jedhan. When he couldn’t remember a line, he made something up. When he couldn’t remember anything else, he just sang Bodhi’s name softly until Bodhi fell back asleep.

The first time Cassian suspected that it was the end, Bodhi had gotten lost three times in one week. Cassian had chalked the first two up to PTSD – Bodhi had the tendency to get lost when he dissociated. But the third time, he realized that Bodhi wasn’t agitated – he was just lost. Once he started looking for it, he noticed how Bodhi’s tendency to mumble had increased. How Bodhi tired more quickly. How often Bodhi got confused. He waited for Bodhi to call him Ekundayo, but it never happened.

The first time Cassian visited Bodhi’s grave after the funeral, he wished it would rain, that the sky would shed the tears that Cassian could not. But it rarely rained on Jedha.

The first time Cassian realized that it was the end for him, he was pleasantly surprised to realize that, while he no longer wished for death, neither did he fear it or resent it. He had lived a much longer and fuller life than he had ever expected, and after two years of grieving, he would finally join Bodhi in the Force.

And the first time Cassian saw Bodhi again…


End file.
